I consider my story to be a big misfortune, a bad luck, even a mistake.
Yet, I shall tell it in short, to help you understand my poems...
I was raped in 9th grade, and then sexually abused and raped many times from 10th grade until 12th grade...
All of these persons were complete strangers (though they knew each other).
Also in between I had very very bad experiences with men who took advantage of me and used me.
Now, I am happy, I am engaged to the love of my life, and I am dealing and slowly but surely- healing.

These are songs I've written about the Rapes and Sexual Abuses

....

Misery a.s.a.p

My daily consumption is self destruction...

In a "Nutshell" self depression,
I have lost all inspiration.
Feeling guilty, torn apart,
Crying, drowning back to start...

Friends and snakes appear the same,
None of these shall know my name;
Empty feelings, eyes are caged,
All my wings have turned to rage.

Every trust before me dies,
Smoking death while body flies;
Hands with knifes are so untamed,
Why the fuck feel so ashamed?

Can't point out a damn solution,
Innocence's a fucked illusion;
All are taught to touch and run,
Mind abused and body's done
Lost all childish sense of fun....

Still my daily consumption is self destruction...

And if only I could....

Crown of Thorns

Crucified so young,
Can't shake this tumor off
Like Jesus and his crown of thorns,
Instead of breathe I'll cough.

Unleash me from this rage
Don't leave me here to wallow
Unleash me from this fuckin' cage
These tears I cannot swallow.

The smell of torment is in the air,
You'd glance and turn away
All that I got I had to share,
My pain is bound to stay.

Unleash me from this hate
Don't leave me here to drown
Unleash me from this fuckin' ache
Release me from my crown.

My kingdom

I am lying alone in a field like a thorn
With hundreds of scavengers in my body and around
I am used and thrown like a sick queen of porn
And I fear that my salvation will never be found.

Like a condemned pray surrounded by predators
I shall be hunted and eaten and left there to die
And although I am floating above all my clouds
If you'll listen a bit, you will notice I cry.

And in that field which is flooded with my tears and my blood
My kingdom is placed, and unwillingly I'll stay
Though my people will try all my walls there to build
I am sure - lost the war - none will pay.

A twisted tear

When the mind and the body divide
While the power to scream lays aside
All cut apart like an animal
All feeling dead like a stone
I disappear into the concrete
While every piece of trust is torn.

Years by years my flame's extinguished,
Day by day the dirt is piled
Pain and shame is all I live for,
Guess I'm nothin', all has died.

I was scarred for life by others,
Than was scarred for life by me,
I was blind to prevent all that happened
How the hell I didn't see...?

And yet I'm here - a twisted tear.